Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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