Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
