i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
