did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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