your thong is hanging out like whoa
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
