i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
