i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
