HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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