the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
