You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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