I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
