Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
