Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
