Jerry, you need to find god
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't deserve a penis
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
