i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
