i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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