I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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