I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
