my mouth tastes like poor choices
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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