I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
