Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
