it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
