Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
