im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
vagina is talking i cant
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
