The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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