dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your penis caused this!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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