how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
