Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I touched a dick in church today
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
