Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
