at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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