Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Oops wrong number
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