Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
