There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
