Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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