Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
