She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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