I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
