Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
