1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
