If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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