I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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