the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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