why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
