i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
