you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
