By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
