I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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