Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
