Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I died a long time ago.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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