There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
