I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just gargled with NyQuil
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
