Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
