i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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