I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
