Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
