well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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