I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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