Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
