So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
